Saturday, September 7, 2013

Hail, Britannia!

In an exceptionally long, 1200-word, tweet, our London correspondent (@oldblighty) has broken the exclusive story that  Buckingham Palace has dispatched the 74-gun ironclad, HMS Thatcher, a frigate of the Queen’s Own Royal Household Naval Squadron, on a punitive expedition to Syria.

The Palace announced that, by January, if the wind and tides are favorable, the ship will be in position to blockade Tripoli, which is quite near to Syria.

England’s notoriously contrarian Queen Elizabeth has outmaneuvered Parliament by citing a heretofore obscure clause of the Magna Carta, known as “Catch-1215”, which stipulates that “The Royal Navy can go wherever it f***ing well wants, whenever it “f***ing well wants to.

French president Hollande welcomed the news, saying, “The rosbifs have pulled off a tour de force* as rare as it is well done. Vache sacrée!**”

The White House, in a state of barely-contained glee, issued a press release that read, in part: “We will reserve comment until the ship passes the Red Line”.

The U.N. Security Council was in turmoil, issuing the following statement: “We are in turmoil; so what else is new?”

Follow #operationsaveface for further developments.
*English: tour de force
**English: Holy cow!

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