Saturday, August 17, 2013

Incongruous Occupations

Ran into my friend the Old Curmudgeon the other day, occupying his regular bar stool at The Pub and looking even more peevish than usual.

Rashly, I inquired as to his well-being.

“Dog-tired”, he snarled. “Can’t sleep-in anymore. Guy who delivers my morning newspaper has a [expletive] hole in his [expletive] muffler.”

“How” he asked, “could they possibly have hired this clown?  Probably ran an ad reading: WANTED--reliable go-getter to deliver newspapers in residential area early in morning; must have car with ear-splittingly defective muffler. Congenital sociopaths will receive preference.”

“Next thing you know, they’ll be advertising for  agoraphobic mimes, squeamish vivisectionists, butterfingered wide-receivers, ingenuous politicians, and Lord knows what other [expletive] misfits this [expletive] society is producing nowadays!”

As he paused for breath, I hastily bade my adieux, slid off my stool and headed for the parking lot, where the surly attendant grudgingly brought around my car, hurling a string of colorful invectives after me as I drove away without tipping him.

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