Sunday, July 8, 2012

How Cold Was It?

It occurs to your reporter that Cape Cod’s churches might have a ready solution at hand for alleviating their financial problems other than having to constantly dun our summer visitors to make up their annual budgetary shortfall.

Turn down the air-conditioning!

Now, you take yesterday at 11:00 mass in Hyannis. I mean we’re talking frigid here, people. How cold was it, you ask? I’ll tell you how cold it was. It was so cold, I had to break the ice on the holy water font before I could bless myself! It was so cold, they had to thaw out the wicks before they could light the ceremonial candles! It was so cold, 4C’s was storing its Rocky Road in the vestibule, an Aleut tourist was freezing walrus meat in the sacristy, and Hell froze over!

The flip side, of course, is that the welcome is always warm, the coffee hot, and the sermons heated; so I guess we’ll just have to accept the tradeoff until the Higgs boson confirms the existence of God once and for all, and we all get to live in a state of perpetual bliss with nothing to gripe about.

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